Things have been interesting this last week, as my time winds down in Portland and I get ready for my next big adventure I cant help but be terrified. This next step is the culmination of everything I’ve been working for this last year and everything I’ve ever wanted . I have this really terrible ability to as one of my chef’s call it “get in my own way” I cant help but feel like that no matter how hard I try my biggest nemisis will always be myself and my own insecurities. This last year of my life I’ve battled bouts with homelessness, my brothers diagnosis with Lukemia and balancing having 2 and even 3 jobs while going to school full time. I know that I’ve made it this far despite all of this and my goal in the next four days is to get through school without tripping over my own feet. I refuse to be one of those people who blame everyone else for their mistakes nor will I be one who blames their misfortunes of circumstance alone. But on the flip side I got so used to not asking for help that I let myself get into a situation where I essentially disapeared without communicating with anyone about what was going on and so it looked like I had just said “fuck it” and stopped going to school despite the fact that I was actually struggling with putting enough gas in my car to get to school. So todays lesson is to remember that our biggest enemy is often no one but ourselves and that its not terrible to ask for help. Breathe and remember why you ‘ve sacrified so much to get here. JUST KEEP SWIMMING
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