Riding the buses of my angsty adolescence

Today I rode the buses of my angsty adolescence. I find it odd that no matter how much I change or the buses themselves change the smell never does. And neither do the mumblers.

I got on the bus this afternoon rather irritated that I had to ride the bus at all when I was greeted with that  familiar smell of stale hope. Not that same kind of smell as a room full of people without hope at all. Like the kind you get from a cancer ward but more like the kind that you get from  the waiting room at the food stamp  offices.

The kind of hope that hasn’t died completely but just that the only hope you have is that tomorrow will be just as bad as today was. A painful endless drudgery onward towards an eventual but fairly unlikely goal. It’s  part hopelessness, part despair and part stale malt liquor.

 I feel like that everything I’ve worked so hard for in the last 5 years is simply avoid smelling like the bus forever.

Things that only bother me at 1:46 am

Leather couches are a terrible idea if you're trying to sleep. I personally will never own one. I miss my bed.

Actually I take that back. I haven't had a bed that was "mine" in a few years now. so I miss a bed. 

On the brightside things like this really make you appreciate the little things, like climate control and not being 

woken up by the dog at 6am everyday.

 And sheets. God I miss sheets. the way that they keep your feet cool .

while keeping you warm at the same time.

Anyways I'm gonna go try and sleep. Ps. I made awesome dinner tonight.

Here it goes here it goes again.

This isnt the first time I've ended up here. I haven't really kept track but I think this may be the 7th or 8th time I've found myself in this position but this time I really felt was different  First of all I didn't overstay my welcome or do something that caused me to be asked to leave but instead I was happily minding my own business and trying to finish my AAOS in Culinary management. For the last several months I'd been living with a friends mom so I could be close enough to school that I could afford the gas to keep attending. things had been going well and I had finally gotten my grades where they should be and been missing alot less days. then He came. My "mom" is a very successful 50 something who had recently gone through a divorce and was trying out the dating scene, after falling victim to a scheme  she had just recently ventured back out in the online dating world when she met a man who sounded like the best thing since sliced bread, he was a semi retired chef and former resturant owner who was now living in Bend Oregon. I received a text from her one afternoon that she was "helping a friend and wouldn't be home till late"  Late that night I woke up to the sound of a man in my house and wondered what in the hell was going on. Turns out she had driven to Bend to meet this "mr wonderful" and had brought him home for a visit.  That very next day I was disturbed to find out that this new stranger in my house was a complete alcoholic and a criminal with 41 arrests in the last 10 years .Because I have had my own struggle with addiction and drinking I can't be around people with addiction issues like that. Its just too dangerous for me to be around that kind of momentum.  So after living a nightmarish week in the house with "him" I finally packed a bag, called a friend and found a couch for the night and left. The only thing that makes this time different from the 7 other times since I was 18 is the fact that I'm in school full time. Not to mention trying to hold down a job and deal with my brothers battle with luekemia. I only have 34 days left before I leave for a 3 month externship in Atlanta. So I take a deep breath , put my head down and survive. I can do this. And if I can survive this, than I can survive anything.